ichixRuki Marriage Counseling
by Renee N Snider
Summary: Ichigo and Rukia are engaged, but no one will let them get married until they straiten out there problems.
1. Chapter 1

Ok I just sat threw 50 minuets of talking about sex disorders like when a man or women cant get "excited", or cant "peak", so enjoy! Ichigo and Rukia go to marriage counseling!

There is only talk of sex, but no actual sex XD

There they sat in a stuffy little office, with dozens of plaques and certificates nailed to the pasty white walls. Ichigo sat in the padded chair, his arms folded across his chest, and a sour look if pure irritation plastered on his face. Rukia had a simmer look of irritation as her face was buried in a manga she had brought along.

"So your Kurosaki Ichigo, and Kuchiki Rukia. Congratulations on your engagement. How may I help you in regard to counseling you on your marriage?" a man asked entering the office and taking a seat behind the large red wood desk.

"How the hell would I no! We were forced here, the churches and courthouses all seem to think we have unresolved issues. There full of cap." Ichigo grumbled.

"The church and the courthouse said, how did they word it? Oh yeah! You two fight to much." Rukia stated closing her book and sighing deeply with annoyance.

"Ok, well let's begin, hw did you two meet?" he asked.

"He kicked me in the back of my head." Rukia replied.

"Why did you kick her?" the counselor asked.

"I was trying to get her attention, and nothing elts worked." Ichigo replied.

"I see, well what happened next?" the man asked.

"We beat the crap out of each other, and then started to hang out before, during and after school." Rukia replied. The counselor nodded jotting down notes.

"Well how many time do you think you two have, as you put it. Beat the crap out of each other?" he asked. Ichigo and Rukia looked blankly at each other and shrugged.

"We donno, we never kept track." Ichigo replied.

"I see, well lets change the topic." He responded, "so how is your sex life?" he asked bluntly.

"What?" Ichigo asked a little shocked by the bluntness of the question.

"What do you mean?" Rukia asked.

"Well, maybe this tension is cause by a bad, or absent sex life." He replied, "Well," he turned to Rukia, "how dose he perform?"

"Fine…" Rukia said looking strangely at the man.

"It's alright, this is an open atmosphere. I no your thinking you have to complement each others performances or not get it any more, but I hope that's not the case." He assured, "so Rukia, its only fine?" he asked.

"Um." Ichigo said with a gesture like he was raising his hand.

"Yes Ichigo?" he said.

"You said I was thinking I had to complement her or get cut off? I don't think that thought has ever crossed my mind, I was thinking you're a sick bastered." Ichigo huffed. He looked over at Rukia and smirked, "and you said more than, it was fine last night." He chucked.

"Shut it strawberry." Rukia snarled.

"I'm not a strawberry!" He barked, "and its not my fault you don't wanna admitted yo really liked it." Ichigo said stroking his own ego. Rukia punched Ichigo in the side.

"I said be quiet Strawberry! I didn't no how to answer the question! What did you want me to say!" she fumed shooting up out of hr seat. Ichigo shot up out of his and snarled at her.

"What the hell was that for!" he shouted referring to the punch.

"For being an ass!" Rukia replied.

"Better an ass then a midget!" he shouted.

"I'm not a midget!" Rukia argued, trying to do a leg sweep and knock Ichigo down. Ichigo reversed it knocking Rukia off balance. He caught her and pulled her into his arms, her back pressed to his chest.

"Well you haven't grown an inch in how long?" he snickered.

"It's not my fault! You just wont stop growing!" she barked trying to elbow Ichigo. In there fighting the counselor was taking notes like crazy while Ichigo and Rukia had almost forgotten he was there. Rukia trashed around in Ichigo's arms.

"Rukia, why are you struggling?" he asked with a grin, "you no you like my work." He smirked kissing the rim of her ear, letting his hot breath run down her cheek. He caressed her neck with his lips, Shivers ran up and down Rukia's body.

"Your breath stinks!" she said trying to fight him off. Ichigo smiled and pulled her sleeve off her shoulder running his lips from her shoulder, up her neck, and back to her ear. Rukia's legs quivers and almost gave out form under her.

"We have to go!" Ichigo said in a rushed and urgent tone. He grabbed Rukia's hand and slapped a piece of paper down on the counselor's desk. "Now sign this piece of paper or I'm ganna kick your ass." Ichigo threatened. The counselor hurried signed the paper and watched as the two darted out the door, and back home to Ichigo's room, and more specifically his bed.

I hope you liked it as far as I no right now it's a one shot thing, but I might add more if inspiration hits me. **ouch!! Who hit me!! XD jk jk XD


	2. Chapter 2

OUCH!!! Hey there!! Fathom-x stop hitting me what that bat! What? What about my inspiration hitting me? I don't care!! I don't like being beaten with a bat!!!

ok!!!! part two! they get called back for the diagnosis XD

Ichigo and Rukia were dittoing on the couch they had gotten he first session of there mandatory five sessions taken care of and with a sigh Rukia got off Ichigo's lap and they went back to the counselor's office.

"Good afternoon Mr. Kurosaki, Ms. Kuchiki." The counselor greeted as the two entered the room disgruntled, "is something wrong?" he asked.

"He wont let me drive!" Rukia said annoyed glaring at Ichigo.

"Why won't you let her drive?" he asked.

"You can't handle a juice box! How can I trust you with a car! Let alone my car!" Ichigo replied ignoring the counselor.

"What is this about a juice box?" he asked.

"The straw was tricky!" she snarled.

"Yes it's tricky, if you're three!" Ichigo shouted.

"I'm not three!" she shouted.

"Yeah I no! You're an old hag." Ichigo laughed. Rukia threw a punch at Ichigo, which he caught, Rukia threw another punch which he caught. Rukia threw a kick at him, and Ichigo used this to knock her over. He pinned her to the floor his hands holing her wrist, while he straddled her waist. "Are you ganna be a good midget?" Ichigo teased.

"I'm not a midget!!" she shouted, struggling trying to get Ichigo off her.

"If you two are quite done, I have things to say." The counselor said in an annoyed tone. Ichigo got off Rukia and helped her up, and they took their seats. "well after some observation I have two things to say. Ichigo, stop using your strength to over power Rukia. And Rukia, stop hitting Ichigo, I don't care if he instigates it, violence never solves anything."

"What are you talking about?" Ichigo asked looking at the man strangely, "I'm just trying to make her settle down."

"He doesn't use his strength to control me." Rukia said in his defense.

"Right!" Ichigo agreed.

"He'd never try to control me! He's scared of me." Rukia said proudly.

"Am not!" Ichigo shouted. Rukia leaned over to Ichigo and whispered in his ear and sat back down. Ichigo lowered his head and sighed, "yes dear." He frowned.

"See!" she gestured.

"What did you say to him?" the counselor asked.

"That is my secret." She replied.

"I see, well we have no secrets in my office, spill it." the counselor said.

"Make me." Rukia challenged.

"Just give up now dude." Ichigo sighed.

"I'm not going to sign the form for today's session until we clear the air." H said in an almost threatening tone. Ichigo stood up and slammed his hands on the desk, and with a scowl that screamed impending death he gave his own threat.

"Excuse me? It be a shame if you could never sign anything ever again." Ichigo threatened. The counselor gulped and signed the seat for that day right then and there. Ichigo smirked and grabbed the sheet. Rukia stood and with his arm around her, his hand rested lightly on her hip. They left the office laving their poor counselor scared shitless. His only thought was. And he is afraid of her!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Ichigo and Rukia sat waiting for there third session to begin. The door opened and their counselor sighed.

"You two can come in." he said in a helpless tone. He took his seat and today Ichigo and Rukia were in a chipper and upbeat mood. After Ichigo took his seat, Rukia took her seat, sitting crosswise on his lap. "You two seem to be in a good mood today."

"Why wouldn't I be in a good mood! I have my Strawberry!" Rukia exclaimed.

"Your such a cute midget." Ichigo cooed kissing Rukia on the forehead.

"Ok!" the counselor shouted shooting up, "who the ell are you two! And what have you done with my clients!"

"Well I'm Kurosaki Ichigo, and this is my beautiful Fiancée Kuchiki Rukia." Ichigo said in a smart-ass tone. Rukia giggled and kissed Ichigo on the cheek, he turned to her and blew a raspberry on her neck, make her squeal out with laughter.

"Maybe I should approach this form a different angel." He sighed, "why are you two in such a good mood?" Rukia gigged, her cheeks tinted red, and Ichigo held her tummy.

"We're pregnant." She said blissfully before looking into Ichigo's chocolate eyes. The counselor sat there stupefied. The two of them were bad enough! But the thought of them… Reproducing! It was too much and he passed out into his office floor. When he finally came to, Ichigo, Rukia, and the secretary were over him.

"Are you ok sir?" she asked.

"You!" he said pointing at Ichigo and Rukia, "you two! I don't know how you do it! you defy all the laws or reason! How can two people fight so much, but still, still b so in love!"

"We don't fight." Rukia stated, "we bicker."

"We don't bicker." Ichigo replied.

"Yes we do." Rukia argued.

"No we don't." Ichigo said annoyed.

"Then what do you call right now?" she asked.

"A disagreement." He replied.

"Your so bull headed Ichigo!" Rukia shouted.

"You're a pain in the ass midget!" Ichigo shouted back! "and if I'm bull headed you've got a concrete and diamond skull! Case I'd need a jack hammer to pound any sense into you!"

"Looks who's talking!" Rukia shouted. Rukia pinches Ichigo's cheeks and started pulling on them, Ichigo mimicked her by puling on her cheeks. The counselor sat up and sighed. There was no hope for these two. He signed their sheet and went back to laying on the floor. While Ichigo and Rukia were pulling on each other's faces.


	4. Chapter 4

I was having a fight with writes block and well…

I WON!!! BWA HA HA HA!!!!

Enjoy!

Chapter 4

"Their here." The young secretary said peeking her head into the councilors office.

"Send them in." he groaned. And with that Ichigo walked in, Rukia was on his back, her legs danged at Ichigo's sides, while his strong hands griped her thighs holding her up. Her arms were laced around his neck. Rukia was giggling cutely as she blew into Ichigo's right ear causing him to shift to the left. She giggled more and moved her head and blew in his left ear causing Ichigo to shift to the right. _Great there snuggly again, I don't know which is worse, them fighting, or them way to happy. _Ichigo sat down squishing Rukia behind him. She squirmed around and climbed around and made herself cozy in Ichigo's lap. She gazed up at Ichigo who smirked at her. Rukia turned away bashfully her cheeks flushed. She was acting like a schoolgirl who had finally spoken with her long time crush, while Ichigo smirked pompously.

"You two seem to be in a good mood." The councilor said. Ichigo just continued to smirk, he put his ear agents Rukia's ear, his lips gently brushing ants them as he spoke.

"Your so cute when your acting bashful." He said in a low and seductive tone. Ichigo combed his fingers threw Rukia's slightly tangled hair. He lived the feel of her hair between his fingers, but he loved the gentle touch of her skin even more. Rukia blushed even more and started to push on Ichigo's chest Playfully like she wanted to get away. Ichigo quickly noticed this and wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug, blowing a raspberry on her neck.

"You mind?" the counselor asked, "can we discuss why were here?" Rukia broke out in a fit of laughter, Ichigo gave her one peck on the cheek and looked up at the counselor.

"Yes I guess, so what's today's topic?" Ichigo asked, his smirk seemed to be tattooed on his face.

"Alright, before we get started humor me. Why are you so overly happy?" the counselor asked.

"We went to the doctors." Rukia said still coming off her fit of laughter.

"And?" he replied gripping his armrest. Rukia gigged more Ichigo had his arms around her waist, and his lips on her neck. Kissing up and down her slender swan like neck.

"Were having twins!" Rukia said full of joy!

"T-twins…" he stuttered passing out and hitting the floor.

"Strange… that's how you reacted Ichigo." Rukia said turning to her orange haired Fiancée who had pushed her sleeve to the side and was kissing her shoulder. "you being so sweet Ichigo." Rukia giggled

"What can I say? I just can't keep my hands off you." He laughed. The session ended and their counselor woke up and signed their sheet, they now had four out of five documents they needed to get their marriage license. They also planned to shove the document the doctor had made for them on Rukia being pregnant to shove in their face.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

They were sitting in their fifth and final session. The counselor looked as if he was about to drop dead.

"Ok, this is your lat sessions, and we have done everything… but! Discuss your marriage." Their counselor sighed, "so what's the record like in your family?"

"My mom and dad were happily married." Ichigo announced.

"Were?" the counselor asked.

"My mom passed away when I was young." Ichigo said sadly. Rukia turned and to kiss him lightly all over his face and neck.

"What about you Rukia?" he asked.

"Well I never meet my parents but my brother was happily married." Rukia replied.

"I still find that hard to believe." Ichigo mumbled before being elbowed by Rukia.

"Was?" the counselor asked.

"My sister passed away, five years into the marriage." Rukia said sadly.

"Seeing as the ladies of the family don't hold a good track record, this one will be protected, and treated like a fragile glass flower." Ichigo started, "I'm not ganna let anything, anyone, even touch a hair on my midgets head."

"Ichigo." Rukia started in a sweet tone, she leaned in to kiss him again, "I'm not a midget!" she screamed half an inch from his face.

"That freaking hurt Midget!" Ichigo shouted back.

"Good!" she shouted at him. They stood up and were snarling at each other.

"Why are you such a pain!" Ichigo shouted.

"Why are you such an ass!" Rukia shouted.

"I wasn't an ass twenty minuets ago in the closet." Ichigo said pompously.

"That reminds me." Rukia hummed.

"What? What dose it remind you of?" Ichigo snarled.

"You're sleeping on the couch tonight." Rukia replied turning away from Ichigo.

"Excuse me? But it's my house, and my room. Your just a squatter." Ichigo replied before he mentally slapped, kicked and punched himself. Rukia looked up at him her face bright red from anger. The counselor whimpered, signed the final piece of paper and went into the fetal possession under his desk, were he planned his resignation from this field.

"Excuse me Ichigo!" Rukia shouted, "well fine if I'm not wanted, I'm going home, and I'm taking the babies, and I'm ganna tell Nii-Sama what an ass you are!" Rukia shouted. Ichigo had calmed himself down and as Rukia continued to scream at him he pulled her in and kissed her lips until she shut up.

"Quiet Rukia, lets go to our home." He said sweetly.

"Idiot." Rukia said with a smile, kissing Ichigo back.

The end!!

Not really XD I wanted to do another chapter or two with the babies so there may be more to come!!!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Ichigo and Rukia went to the courthouse slapping down all six slips of paper. The five from the counselor, and the one form the doctor confirming Rukia's pregnancy. The women looked at them and smiled.

"Congratulations, here you go." She smiled and handed them the form, and form there they made there way to the church. Ichigo smugly slammed the sheets of paper down on the desk, the pasture looked up at Ichigo and smiled. He flipped threw the first five pages holding his smile, until he came upon the smith page, his face turned form a planet smile, to slight disappointment.

"I guess not everyone embraces the laws set down by the lord." He sighed.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but can we sue this church now?" Ichigo asked.

"You may, But…" he started. Ichigo and Rukia smiled excitedly, there faces grimiest at the but.

"But! Why is there always a but!" Ichigo whined.

"We here in the church stress family closeness, so I would like you to bring your family's here tomorrow, sit threw a sermon, and well start talking weddings." He said, his voice was kind, but it showed no sign that he was willing to reconsider.

"Fine… but you do plan funeral here to right?" Ichigo sighed.

"Um… Yes…" the pastor said raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"Just remember Rukia, I love you, please, if you do move on… don't marry Renji." Ichigo said with a bit of a grin.

"Your not ganna die, but if you keep this up, you'll be wounded." Rukia responded rolling her eyes. The next day came quickly and the group sat in the back of the church. Byakuya looked like he was listening carefully, except his eyes were closed. Rukia had her head on Ichigo's chest, her hands gasping his shirt, his arms were holding her, and his chin rested on top of her head. They were sleeping peacefully. Isshin was lest inconspicuous, his head was throw back over the phew, his arms out along the back of the long benches, and he was snoring. The sermon ended and a passing church member woke up the group who then proceeded to the front of the church to speak with the pasture.

"Ah! Ichigo, Rukia. Glad you could come today." He said with a smile, "so who do we have here?" he asked gesturing to Byakuya and Isshin.

"This is my old man." Ichigo replied.

"Kurosaki Isshin." Isshin greeted shaking the pastures hand.

"This is my brother." Rukia smiled.

"Kuchiki Byakuya." Byakuya greeted stoically, keeping his hands in his pocket.

"So are you gentlemen excited for the wedding?" the pasture asked.

"You bet! My son is finally a man!" Isshin cheered, Ichigo buried his face in his ands.

"Not in the lest." Byakuya replied giving a slight glare to Ichigo, "my sister is settling far below what she deserves."

"Are you trying to say by boy is good enough!" Isshin asked offended.

"Precisely." Byakuya replied.

"Nii-Sama! Be nice please." Rukia begged.

"So are you two excited about the baby?" the pastor asked unknowing that Ichigo and Rukia hadn't told them yet.

"Baby!" Isshin and Byakuya shrieked.

"Run Ichigo!" Rukia panicked. Ichigo grabbed Rukia's wrist and pulled her onto his back before he took off in a sprint, "Ichigo you idiot! I'll slow you down! You need to get away from Nii-Sama!" Rukia panicked

"And I'm not going to leave you back there with that old goat!" Ichigo replied running at full speed. Isshin and Byakuya chasing after them. Isshin looked like he was about to burst with excitement, while death could be clearly seen on Byakuya's face. The pastor stood there dumb founded.


	7. Chapter 7

I'm not dead! I swear! See! I've just been suffering sever writers block… -_- but here. Enjoy! I think it turned out well.

Chapter 7

Ichigo stood at the alter, Byakuya blade held to his throat. All of Soul Society, and the real world had gathered for this wedding.

"This isn't really necessary, I'm not ganna run." Ichigo sighed, "I want to marry Rukia."

"Silent boy." Byakuya responded angrily. Rukia made her way down the isle her gown flowed behind her, her hair was done up, and her belly was slightly rounded. Rukia reached the alter and took Ichigo's hands. Byakuya removed the blade from Ichigo's neck but did not sheath it. Ichigo stared adoringly at Rukia, she looked so breathtakingly beautiful Ichigo was continually telling himself to breath. The pasture smiled at the young couple and began to speak.

"We are gathered here today to witness the Union of Kurosaki Ichigo and Kuchiki Rukia. If anyone has any reason these two should not be we," please speak now, or forever hold your peace." Byakuya cleared his throat and opened his mouth before he shook his head. _Treat her well… or elts… _Byakuya thought. Renji was tearing apart his seat with his bare hands in order to stay silent. While Orihime just sat in silence trying to be happy for Rukia.

"It can't be. it's not possible. That's what I told myself," Ichigo started, "we never agree, we fight, yell, and sometimes, most of the time kick and punch. At first I didn't realize it, now I understand that somehow you've already grown deep in my heart. I'm tired fooling myself but now I can't hide it anymore, I love you! And I swear on the earth, the sun, and my soul, I always will." Ichigo finished with a bit of a smirk. Rukia stared up at Ichigo, she was so touched the he felt so much for her.

"I realize what I felt about you immediately, I couldn't see that the love of my live was just in front of my eyes? That whole time you were beside me all along,

And now I realize that I've loved you all along. I no I yell, and I nag, I no I can be a pain. And I no I probably beat on you more than you disserve. But I need you, and I love you, all of the time." Rukia said gazing up at Ichigo like he was the only person in the room. He gazed back, drowning in her violet eyes. It was easy to tell by pretty much everyone in the room. If they went there, Ichigo probably would have started to ravish her on the spot. The preset took this chance to finish the ceremony before the couple got distracted from each others loving gazes.

"Kurosaki Ichigo Do you take Rukia-"

"I do." Ichigo responded.

"Can I finish?" the priest asked annoyed.

"I swear I'll have her, and hold her, ill love her weather she's sick, happy, or just in a bad mood. Ill love her if were poor, or if were rich, and ill love her when I'm rotting in my grave." Ichigo responded.

"Very well… Kuchiki Rukia do you-"

"I swear I'll take Ichigo in sickness and in heath, in his bad mood, and his rare good ones. Ill support him, and stand by him weather we are rich or poor. And I'll put up with him, and love him for all eternity."

"I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride." Ichigo leaned in and gave Rukia a peck on the lips, which slowly turned into a deeper more passionate kiss. Rukia kissed him back deepening the kiss. Ichigo dipped Rukia and the crowed cheered as their tongs did battle in front of their audience. They finally surfaced for air, and Ichigo scooped Rukia up into his arms and ran her into the limo. The crowd followed and they all made there way to the reception.


End file.
